U-Turns

I found my own Mr. Happy.
His smile makes me melt.

I can't get to bed
But I'm really tired
I'm talking to you

But you're not listening
I don't know what to do
My heart is blistering
Tell me I'm not wrong
I close up my mouth
When you're around now
Suffocating in doubt
I can't make a sound
I always wanted to be
The one you looked to
Tell me I belong

( I sketched this for fun few days ago - for a design student that hardly draws - this is as far as I can get)

I bet no one can ever forget the nice unforgettable memories with your first crush. First crush I say. Not first love. It is so true that people say, the deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. I had been through such a hard time to forgive and accept, and I thought I would never live that innocence and sweetness I used to.
Being the little girl who talks about a certain someone, asking them how is he and stuffs. Comparing time tables just so I know when I could 'accidentally' bump into him. Knowing that I have a slight chance to, I go hyper and happily jumping all day long. The smile he had and what color shirt he wore has become a visual memory that is impossible to erase.
I know that if I bump into him, I won't know what to do or what to say, but I am just as satisfied by looking at him, even if he never realizes how captivating his every move and every gesture is to me. RE always says: crushes are, well, more fun than being in love. And yes. It is.
If you could smack your head for a katrillian times just knowing that people around thought that you have a boyfriend (you wanna kill that fella) and start worrying does he thinks so too?, and here you are, love struck.
I want him to know my existence not as the course rep that smiles to everyone as a manner or so. I want him to get some hint that I am deadly interested in him, I want to know everything about him, I stalk on him (maybe this don't have to let him know), that every day I have been thinking and missing that smile. That smile, that is killing!!
Nobody says he is good looking. Okay, he is not. But there is just something about him that is biting every bit out of me.
Somehow, he is building up the broken pieces, by just smiling at me. Do you feel me?
We always ignore the people who loves us and love the people who ignores us.
Both eyes meet, something triggers through your entire body and every single cell, you ask yourself, does he feel the same?
The fear that he won't fall for me.
I know that I have no chance to go a step further than the hi-bye relationship we have.
and do you know, that's the beauty of it all.
Before he played this important role in me,
I did not want move forward, and tried not to look back.
Now that I see him in this very so special way,
I don't want to move forward, but I am not looking back, anymore.
I am still not ready to make nice, but a little tiny part of me is hoping that he is single, and wishing fate would bring us together as friends (for now). mwuahhhahahahha!!
I'm feeling alive all over again, as deep as the scar that's under my skin. Like being in love, for the first time.
I want him. but I don't want him.
I never want things to change. I am happy with admiring and running head over heels for him and never ever to let him know that.
I miss that smile and knowing that he is someone I cannot approach (because I have no guts to move on), I am starting to be obsessed in him.
BIG TIME.
If you see me staring at one particular super duper attractive ultra massive hot till explosively heating and killing me guy, you will know who he is. darn. I wish I was in U3.